The cold air was blanketing me as I stood outside.  The night sky surrounded me like a dark room.  All I wanted to do was let go of it all.  I wanted to hold myself together but I had a feeling that tonight this wouldn’t be happening.  My phone started to ring in my pocket as I lit up another cigarette.  I wanted to hear her voice and to my luck it was her that was calling me.  I picked up that phone and her voice filled my ear, instantly putting a smile on my face.  Even if the smile was a small one.
We talked.  Not about anything important.  Though, it was just enough to hold my composer for a little longer.  The breeze blew on my neck sending a cold message that winter was shortly arriving making me yet again realize that there was one more reason drop my smile.
I didn’t want to feel like this at all.  And I didn’t want her to feel sad after talking to me because of my mood.  I felt like a downer in the midst of a party.  I closed my eyes and took my last hit of my cigarette.  Again she broke the cold bitter silence with her sweet voice trying to understand what was wrong.  I felt my emotions flood to my eyes and I choked it back one last time.
I just wanted to be in a place of comfort.  Somewhere where I could just let all of my emotions out and feel safe.  Yet, here there is no place for that.  Here there is nothing more than concrete walls, metal bed frames, and cold-hearted people.
I asked her what she was thinking and she said something that warmed my heart.  “I’m just wishing that I could make you feel better.”  It was then that I knew I was putting a downer on things.  
I told her I had to go.  I didn’t want to.  I wanted nothing more than to be reminded of her sweet self.  But I couldn’t continue this.  I couldn’t let her be down because of my poor self-control.  
I love her way too much to make her sad.  Even though I know that she loves me enough to hold me and comfort me in times like these.  I couldn’t help to wish that I were in her warm arms.  To feel her soft skin against mine.  To feel her gentle hand comfortingly rest on my back as I took another deep breathe in.
I said my goodbyes and held by blanket on my back as I walked into my dorm to pick up my accomplice in times of pain, my laptop, and grab my purse.  I walked into the building next to me and as I walked in I realized just how much the building reminded me of a prison.  I wanted to cry.  I was screaming inside ever sense I took the first long puff of my cigarette.  But I couldn’t let myself be alone.  I couldn’t let myself think about the things that would do nothing more than just make me cry.
I love her, I miss her, and I wish nothing more than to be in her room with her.  But I can’t have that.  I won’t see her for a long time.
I walked down the corridors of brick, tile, and fading ceiling lights.  And I could hear music escaping its source as if it were trying to convince people to follow it.  And it worked.  I followed and found myself surrounded with faces of music junkies and groupies of musically inclined friends.  Who were they?  And why would I want to be around them when all I wanted to do was break down?  
Then I saw her again.  That friendly face that always made me feel somewhat comfortable.  I made my way over to her table of friends and sat down.  I didn’t want to do anything more than just let my emotions poor out onto the floor.  It took a deep breath and a convincing welcome to make me stay.  I sat down and opened the lid to my laptop.  The comforting accomplice has yet again found my companionship.  It was then that I could actually poor out my emotions.  
The hard plastic made a faint click as I let the river flood the blank page.
This was yet another night to remember on a piece of parchment.